Where do I feel powerless, where do I hold back, where I don’t speak, where I hold myself in check?

I feel powerless when I let someone down or disappoint someone I care for. I feel powerless when someone compliments me on something I don’t think is worthy of being complimented. I feel powerless when I don’t understand what someone means, and I feel powerless when I cannot do something myself. I feel powerless when I try to explain how I feel, and I get a lump in my throat and nearly start crying. I feel powerless when people feel bad for me because of what happened in the past. I told myself that it was also my fault and that I chose to stay so I was equally responsible, but when people tell me how strong I am to have overcome all of this, it overwhelms me with sadness and pain. I feel powerless when people I care for are hurting.

Taboo areas, hidden forbidden desires around money, around sex, or around power.

I want to have more money; I deserve way more money than I am getting. I want people to give me money just for being here. I want to be rich. I want to be worshipped, I want to be adored. I want my needs and wants catered to. I want people to want to please me, to spoil me with gifts, attention, and I want to get f*cked silly, I want to squirt, scream, and cum, I want to feel some pain, physical pain. I want to be restrained while getting f*cked. I want to be able to give away my power for a bit and be told what to do and what to say. I want people to feel my presence, to respect me, and to miss me when I am not there. I want to be unforgettable.

Can I say what I mean, can I ask for something outrageous?

I want M to come over and fix chores here in the house. I want to rip his pants off while he works and give him a big, sloppy BJ. I want T to give me more money. I want R. to give me the house because I am so nice. I want A to listen to me and apologize for treating me poorly.